By Cassie Jacobs

The first time I heard about Sally Jo (the magical unicorn that is SJ and the founder of Christ Centered Sexuality, CCS for short), I was suspicious.

I was suspicious—but not in an I’ve got to watch my back kind of way. More of an I see that You are up to something there, Oh Holy God of the Universe kind of way.

Let Me Back Up

I am a product of sex. So are you.

I was born—fresh out of the womb—a sexual being. So were you.

That feels important.

Too much too fast? Feeling a bit uncomfy?

Okay, I get it. I backed up too much. Let’s fast-forward a bit on my journey and how we ended up here today…

Purity Culture Poster Child

I grew up in purity culture and am still thoughtfully unpacking the impact that experience had on my heart, my thinking—and yes, even my wardrobe choices.

Between the ages of 13 and 20 (when I married the only boy I would ever date or kiss), I could have been the poster child for the True Love Waits movement. I had happily kissed dating goodbye—although When God Writes Your Love Story was my personal textbook of choice.

As I’ve gotten older, gained life experience, followed Jesus further, and begun to explore what it means to guide my own kids through love, sex, and dating, I’ve come to look at True Love Waits with a little side-eye (okay—a lot of side-eye).

Rules rather than relationship were a driving force in the movement.

It was an equation: this action/lifestyle equals this result. (I’ve noticed people don’t often fit well into equations.)

There was little conversation around consent.

Girls and women were often asked to carry much of the responsibility for sexual purity—for themselves and the boys/men around them.

And so, so many lives were wrecked with shame and guilt.

Marriage—and getting to have sex—seemed to be more of a salvation experience than actual salvation. (I know I’m not the only one who prayed and begged Jesus not to come back until I had gotten to have sex. I see you!)

When those who made it to the altar before the rapture did marry, their marriages would—and do—struggle, as individuals wrestle with how to embrace sexuality after having suppressed and ignored it for so long.

And perhaps most heartbreaking: many felt their value was found in their sexual virtue rather than in the love, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus.

Don’t Throw Out the Baby with the Bathwater 

And yet, there was something about the movement that connected.

Something about it stirred passion in the depths of who I am.

My commitment to wait for my husband gave me courage to say no to some—shall we say—questionable suitors. I was able to focus on what I wanted to do with my life, and I really value the love story my husband and I share.

Above all, what I did with my body, my sexuality, my heart, and my mind felt important.

It felt important to God, and I SO wanted to make God happy.

Today, I know that God is happy with me simply because I am His kid.

But I think that was the key to what I connected to in purity culture:

What I did with my body, my sexuality, my heart, and my mind was important.

It was important to God.

So, it was important to me.