If you hang around me for more than five minutes, you’re going to hear me say this a lot:

Truth and grace.
Always both.

Because in conversations about sexuality, our posture matters as much as our convictions.

What Is Truth?

Truth isn’t just “my opinion” or “my personal conviction.”

As Christians, truth is a Person.

“The Word became flesh… full of grace and truth.” (John 1:14)
“I am the way, and the truth, and the life.” (John 14:6)

So when we talk about truth, we’re not mainly talking about a rule list.

We’re talking about Jesus—who He is, what He taught, what He calls us into.

And if Jesus is truth, then the call of discipleship is not “Jesus, conform to me.”

It’s “Lord, I’m going to conform to You.”

That’s not always easy… but it’s honest Christianity.

Also—let’s say this clearly:

Our experiences matter.
Our emotions matter.
But they don’t get the final word.

Jesus does.

What Is Grace?

Grace is not soft approval.
Grace is not “anything goes.”
Grace is not ignoring sin.

Grace is divine aid.

It’s God giving you what you could never earn, and empowering you to become who you could never become on your own.

“By the grace of God I am what I am…” (1 Corinthians 15:10)

Grace doesn’t just pardon you. It changes you.

Ethics and Pastoral Care: The Dance We Have to Learn

Here’s how I’ve come to connect truth and grace in ministry:

Truth shapes our ethics (what is good, right, aligned).
Grace shapes our pastoral care (how we love the person in front of us).

If we lean too hard into ethics, we get rigid, harsh, rule-bound.
If we lean too hard into pastoral care, we can end up soothing people right out of discipleship.

But when truth and grace work together—when ethics and pastoral care “dance”—we can actually meet people in the mess and invite them toward wholeness.

Jesus did this perfectly.

Conviction without condemnation.
Compassion without compromise.

This Isn’t Theoretical for Me

This isn’t just something I teach. It’s something I’ve lived.

In my own journey navigating same-sex attraction and faith, I’ve been hurt by both extremes:

• churches that tried to use rules as a pastoral strategy
• voices that said “just follow your heart”

Both left me stuck.

But when Jesus became the center of my life, everything changed.

Not overnight. Not with a magic wand.
More like… a narrow trail. Sometimes messy. Sometimes bushwhacking.

But I wasn’t alone.

Truth and grace aren’t abstract ideas. They’re essential tools if we want to love people toward Jesus—the One who makes us whole.